In recent years I have been notorious for being successful at losing weight for about two weeks and then I fall off the wagon. The last time I had a great two weeks and then my parents (whom I adore, but unfortunately at 28 am still living with) went out of town and I went into eat whatever I want mode because no one was around to hold me accountable. Well today marks 12 days (I'm switching my weigh in to Saturdays instead of Mondays so I'm saying today is two weeks) and virtually two weeks on my latest attempt at shedding the weight. I got on the scale today and have successfully dropped 10.2lbs in 12 days! Awesome!!!
A few days ago I woke up feeling a complete lack of motivation to keep going. I had no desire to go to the gym and barely wanted to stay on my very organized plan of healthy eating - I am using an amazing phone app/website myfitnesspal.com to help me keep track of eating, exercise etc. I feared that if I lost my "head" I would fall off the wagon and not even be able to say I made it two weeks. But something inside of me said, "Ok, just go through the motions today and maybe the motivation will come back tomorrow. You don't have to be jazzed every minute of this to still be successful." So I ate my egg breakfast sandwich with fruit and then strapped on my sneakers got the little guy ready and headed over to the gym for 35 minutes of elliptical butt kicking. While I was sweating it up at the gym I thought maybe I will feel so good after doing this that my motivation and excitement will come back - it didn't. I got done with my workout and headed home and still felt like I just didn't want to have to work to lose all this weight anymore. So I sat for a good portion of the rest of the day. My son and I played trains, and watched Annie, and had a little picnic in the backyard, and I fell asleep putting him down for his nap. I just felt uninspired. BUT I just stayed on track, I ate the calories I was allotted for the day - which are really plenty to eat food I like and are satisfying - and then I called it a day. I woke up the next morning hoping, wishing, praying I'd be excited about feeling better and losing weight but I only felt a little better. then i realized something... I don't need to be jazzed to stay on track and do a good job, I will still lose weight, and in REAL LIFE you don't wake up feeling pumped about going through the motions every day. I also told myself that I only had two more days until I got to weigh in to see what my progress had been and that was kind of exciting albeit nerve wracking.
So I got through the first unmotivated hump. This morning I woke up after a great night of sleep and was excited to drop my jammies on the floor and get on the scale. I was pumped to see that I had lost 4lbs since last Saturday and 10.2lbs overall! That has me energized again! And tomorrow if I don't feel like working toward this then I just let my brain take a break, use my calorie counter and go through the motions. THIS IS HOW I'M GOING TO KEEP THE WEIGHT OFF FOREVER!! YES!
Now for what's going on this weekend. Tomorrow my little man turns 3! Holy Moly - it has gone so fast! Turning three is exciting - I can still just barely remember my third birthday so I know that from here on out we are creating more concrete lasting memories and that makes my heart feel full. Its also fun because I can see the opportunities open up for P. He's done some swimming lessons and gymnastics classes this month and the world gets bigger from there. Once he's potty trained - we're working on it - he can do preschool and classes without mommy and have friendships instead of mommy playdate enforced relationships. It's all very exciting for me and gives me such an amazing sense of purpose and pride. THIS is why I'm getting healthy - I want to help him grow and become an amazing man and that will only happen if his mom remains alive and encourages the same health habits in him.
So along with a birthday comes a party... and cake. "Cake Lady" cake to be exact. This cake is so good. I mean, my little sister had it as her wedding cake good, we order it for every party that requires a cake and its always a hit. I'm going to have a piece today. Then we are going to send every last crumb home with our guests so that there is nothing left to pick at all week. I exercised today by mowing our hilly lawn and am a cleaning maniac so I will not feel guilty about it. I will also add it to my program on myfitnesspal.com and it will just be part of what today is - a celebration of my sons life. Next Tuesday is my birthday and there may be some stretching of the calories then too to celebrate my 28 years (and golden birthday) but likely it'll be a salad with a little extra yumminess on top like avocado and crispy crunchies, because that's what sounds good to me. It's very exciting to be at this place at two weeks down and several more to go - I'm feeling energized today, tomorrow may be different but I will continue to stay on track as best I can and allow for splurges by upping the exercise or minimizing calories elsewhere. :)
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
The water game...
Dieting and water go hand in hand. Nutritionist, trainers, etc will all suggest ample amounts of water along with a balanced diet and exercise. The trouble with water is that it makes you have to pee! You add that with the fact that especially at the beginning of a diet/lifestyle change you are drop mad amounts of water weight and the bathroom becomes your new hang out spot.
Last Monday I really got to business and have found that I'm feeling really good about being on this healthy choices train. I actually lost just under 8lbs in 7 days!!! The second week is never like the first, so I'm hoping for a 3lb loss this week. We'll see. So needless to say I have been frequenting the restroom because of the water intake and water weight loss... good times.
Main thing I've learned about the water game is that you have to get all your water in before 2-3 hours before bedtime, if you don't you'll wake up in the night like a pregnant woman, so I've made it a point to cut off food by 7:15pm and drink by 8pm at the latest!
Last Monday I really got to business and have found that I'm feeling really good about being on this healthy choices train. I actually lost just under 8lbs in 7 days!!! The second week is never like the first, so I'm hoping for a 3lb loss this week. We'll see. So needless to say I have been frequenting the restroom because of the water intake and water weight loss... good times.
Main thing I've learned about the water game is that you have to get all your water in before 2-3 hours before bedtime, if you don't you'll wake up in the night like a pregnant woman, so I've made it a point to cut off food by 7:15pm and drink by 8pm at the latest!
Monday, June 13, 2011
an object in motion stays in motion
so i've been avoiding the blog... surprise surprise. i hate when i avoid because i'm not being successful... typical. anyway i'm getting back at it, promise!
so the past several weeks have been spent staying somewhat active, but not intentionally active enough to lose any weight. i also didn't do so great with my eating. what i've learned time and again about reaching a goal is that i need to just get back on the horse and try again. i've decided that my focus for the next two weeks will be on moving and getting exercise. i have decided that every morning after my son and i get up and do the breakfast, rub the sleep out of our eyes routine, we'll head to the gym - he enjoys himself there because there's a big jungle gym thing to play on in the kid place. i will do anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes of cardio and then we'll move on with our day. i figure doing this first thing gets us out of the house and therefore is more likely to keep my motivation up for going out and doing things like swimming, playing at the park, etc.
i also have a stack of workout dvds that i would like to begin incorporating, but my fear of starting with those is simply how sore my body will be from them. the food will come but in order to make this a natural part of my life i need to do it in stages... here's hoping!
promise i'll check back in much sooner.
so the past several weeks have been spent staying somewhat active, but not intentionally active enough to lose any weight. i also didn't do so great with my eating. what i've learned time and again about reaching a goal is that i need to just get back on the horse and try again. i've decided that my focus for the next two weeks will be on moving and getting exercise. i have decided that every morning after my son and i get up and do the breakfast, rub the sleep out of our eyes routine, we'll head to the gym - he enjoys himself there because there's a big jungle gym thing to play on in the kid place. i will do anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes of cardio and then we'll move on with our day. i figure doing this first thing gets us out of the house and therefore is more likely to keep my motivation up for going out and doing things like swimming, playing at the park, etc.
i also have a stack of workout dvds that i would like to begin incorporating, but my fear of starting with those is simply how sore my body will be from them. the food will come but in order to make this a natural part of my life i need to do it in stages... here's hoping!
promise i'll check back in much sooner.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
here we go...
i weighed myself this morning... i decided it was time to know what the number was... i'm not happy about it. looks like my goal weight is about 155lbs from where i'm at now :( i would settle for 145lbs lost but lets be honest if i work hard enough to lose 145lbs i can lose that last 10.
weighing myself is always so bittersweet. even when i'm at the top of my weight it is relieving to know what it is, and that its not really any higher than i thought it was. at the same time it verifys that i've been snacking and treating WAY TOO MUCH and i have a lot of work to do.
so i've been reading a book called Finally Thin by Kim Bensen - she lost 212 pounds in two years. There are recipes and such in it, but the book is meant to be a motivational piece, which is exactly what i am in need of. anyway - she spends one chapter talking about making plans for yourself. she explained that while having a goal weight and some other long term goals are important it is equally if not more so important to have goals that are more present. she says that goals need to be measurable and something that is reasonably achievable so that you aren't setting yourself up for failure. so here are my goals for the rest of this week (through saturday):
1. Eat 5 times a day: that is breakfast, lunch, dinner, and two snack in between. If I am only hungry for four times that is ok, but not less than 4 times a day (when dieting I tend to go from overeating to undereating and neither of those is good).
2. I will do my 10 pushups every other day - as instructed by my fitness trainer aunt.
3. Tuesday and Thursday I will intentionally exercise - workout video, long walk/run etc.
4. Wednesday and Friday sweat doing something active but not a "workout". Friday I'm helping my sister move so that shouldn't be a problem.
5. Finish doing laundry and cleaning up the stuff that needs doing by Friday AM <-- i've been putting this one off for a LONG time.
Ok so those are my goals - i'll check in the rest of the week to report how i'm doing. Notice I didn't write that I was going to diet super hard or stay on a specific plan. I'm just going to see how all this goes. This weekend is Memorial Day and I might be going out of town with my boyfriend which would provide the perfect reason to make excuses about diet and exercise; i'm not going to do that to prove to myself i don't need to. Ok, off to make breakfast and plan the rest of the day.
weighing myself is always so bittersweet. even when i'm at the top of my weight it is relieving to know what it is, and that its not really any higher than i thought it was. at the same time it verifys that i've been snacking and treating WAY TOO MUCH and i have a lot of work to do.
so i've been reading a book called Finally Thin by Kim Bensen - she lost 212 pounds in two years. There are recipes and such in it, but the book is meant to be a motivational piece, which is exactly what i am in need of. anyway - she spends one chapter talking about making plans for yourself. she explained that while having a goal weight and some other long term goals are important it is equally if not more so important to have goals that are more present. she says that goals need to be measurable and something that is reasonably achievable so that you aren't setting yourself up for failure. so here are my goals for the rest of this week (through saturday):
1. Eat 5 times a day: that is breakfast, lunch, dinner, and two snack in between. If I am only hungry for four times that is ok, but not less than 4 times a day (when dieting I tend to go from overeating to undereating and neither of those is good).
2. I will do my 10 pushups every other day - as instructed by my fitness trainer aunt.
3. Tuesday and Thursday I will intentionally exercise - workout video, long walk/run etc.
4. Wednesday and Friday sweat doing something active but not a "workout". Friday I'm helping my sister move so that shouldn't be a problem.
5. Finish doing laundry and cleaning up the stuff that needs doing by Friday AM <-- i've been putting this one off for a LONG time.
Ok so those are my goals - i'll check in the rest of the week to report how i'm doing. Notice I didn't write that I was going to diet super hard or stay on a specific plan. I'm just going to see how all this goes. This weekend is Memorial Day and I might be going out of town with my boyfriend which would provide the perfect reason to make excuses about diet and exercise; i'm not going to do that to prove to myself i don't need to. Ok, off to make breakfast and plan the rest of the day.
Friday, May 20, 2011
inspiration in the strangest places
last night i was putting my son to bed and i let him pick out one book of his choosing. he picked one that has become one of his favorites - Bernstein Bears and Too Much Junkfood. i'm not sure what draws him to this book, it may be the pictures of all the systems of the body and all the candy but nonetheless i read it to him.
in the story mama bear notices the cubs getting a little chubby and snacking too much. so she explains that they aren't eating any junkfood for a while and instead eating healthy snacks. the whole bear family run into the cubs doctor at the grocery store while shopping for good healthy food (surprise surprise) and she invites them to her office. so they go and she explains what foods are healthy and how they help the body. as the cubs are leaving her office she adds that they should exercise to trim off the extra inches they had added from all that snacking.
reading this story with my three year old helped me reframe the way i've been looking at all this health/weight loss stuff. so i thought - the cubs pediatrician told them that all the systems of their body rely on the nourishment they get from healthy food. she wanted them to eat well because its good for them not because they have to lose weight. she then added that adding exercise is healthy AND will help them lose a little cub chub. i actually thought for the first time that i could think about my exercise as the means to losing weight and the food part as simply something to keep all my systems working efficiently.
i know this sounds like a very rudimentary understanding of weight loss and healthy eating but i think i've always put so much pressure on myself about eating "right" that when i don't stick perfectly to my plan i punish myself for days/weeks/or months by eating horribly. so now if i think - well that wasn't good for my body but everything in balance is ok maybe i won't beat myself up so much about it. how do you tell yourself its ok to indulge every once in a while??
in the story mama bear notices the cubs getting a little chubby and snacking too much. so she explains that they aren't eating any junkfood for a while and instead eating healthy snacks. the whole bear family run into the cubs doctor at the grocery store while shopping for good healthy food (surprise surprise) and she invites them to her office. so they go and she explains what foods are healthy and how they help the body. as the cubs are leaving her office she adds that they should exercise to trim off the extra inches they had added from all that snacking.
reading this story with my three year old helped me reframe the way i've been looking at all this health/weight loss stuff. so i thought - the cubs pediatrician told them that all the systems of their body rely on the nourishment they get from healthy food. she wanted them to eat well because its good for them not because they have to lose weight. she then added that adding exercise is healthy AND will help them lose a little cub chub. i actually thought for the first time that i could think about my exercise as the means to losing weight and the food part as simply something to keep all my systems working efficiently.
i know this sounds like a very rudimentary understanding of weight loss and healthy eating but i think i've always put so much pressure on myself about eating "right" that when i don't stick perfectly to my plan i punish myself for days/weeks/or months by eating horribly. so now if i think - well that wasn't good for my body but everything in balance is ok maybe i won't beat myself up so much about it. how do you tell yourself its ok to indulge every once in a while??
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
how do you get motivated?
before diets, during diets, and just after falling off the wagon i think about what it will feel like to be "skinny". i dream about wearing clothes that look just as good as they do on the models in the magazines. i dream about wearing heels for a whole evening without swearing my feet may be broken. i think about the way i fit in chairs, crossing my legs like a "skinny" girl and running...
running... haha i know right? but i do. i dream about running. not running away from someone or something but just running and it being effortless. maybe i just desire to feel like i don't have to work so hard to be successful at that. when i was down 100lbs i ran several 5k's and one 8k. i was one of those people that would run 3 miles 4 to 5 times a week. i felt unstoppable and very proud of myself - i have a father who runs marathons so the pressure to run in races for fun was definitely always present. so i dream about going for a run and it feeling good and not like death and sheer pain from back to knees to ankles.
i read once that its more motivational to think about how you will feel when you're at your goal weight than thinking about what you will look like and the number of pounds you have to lose and all those other things that trip up your motivation. i don't seem to have a problem thinking about how i would feel because i was well on my way to achieving my goal and i felt fabulous. i can remember not having knee pain and back pain. i can remember putting on clothes and not stretching them out first in order to have them "fit". i can remember walking all over the city in heels with minimal pain. for me it seems that focusing on getting to that point is a bit to ahead of myself. my hope is to start thinking: if i exercise today and i eat right today i will feel really good at the end of the day and tomorrow. to keep things more present will help keep myself from feeling overwhelmed by all that goes into dropping 160lbs.
i am still trying to ramp up my motivation to get going - yes i'm aware this is ridiculous i should just get going and let the motivation catch up with me but i'm doing this my way. so....i got myself some workout clothes, i'm trying to minimize the snacking and fix myself more balanced meals and we're going to go with that for right now.
would love any thoughts about finding motivation...
running... haha i know right? but i do. i dream about running. not running away from someone or something but just running and it being effortless. maybe i just desire to feel like i don't have to work so hard to be successful at that. when i was down 100lbs i ran several 5k's and one 8k. i was one of those people that would run 3 miles 4 to 5 times a week. i felt unstoppable and very proud of myself - i have a father who runs marathons so the pressure to run in races for fun was definitely always present. so i dream about going for a run and it feeling good and not like death and sheer pain from back to knees to ankles.
i read once that its more motivational to think about how you will feel when you're at your goal weight than thinking about what you will look like and the number of pounds you have to lose and all those other things that trip up your motivation. i don't seem to have a problem thinking about how i would feel because i was well on my way to achieving my goal and i felt fabulous. i can remember not having knee pain and back pain. i can remember putting on clothes and not stretching them out first in order to have them "fit". i can remember walking all over the city in heels with minimal pain. for me it seems that focusing on getting to that point is a bit to ahead of myself. my hope is to start thinking: if i exercise today and i eat right today i will feel really good at the end of the day and tomorrow. to keep things more present will help keep myself from feeling overwhelmed by all that goes into dropping 160lbs.
i am still trying to ramp up my motivation to get going - yes i'm aware this is ridiculous i should just get going and let the motivation catch up with me but i'm doing this my way. so....i got myself some workout clothes, i'm trying to minimize the snacking and fix myself more balanced meals and we're going to go with that for right now.
would love any thoughts about finding motivation...
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
the middle of the journey, but the beginning of the blog
i started to title this post as 'the beginning of the journey' - but truth be told, i am somewhere in the middle. i have started blogs in the past, but chose not to share them in order to save face and not create a support system to hold me accountable. i've also lost weight, put it back on then lost it again only to put it all back on all over again... this time things have to be different.
i've struggled with my weight for as long as i can remember. about 5 and a half years ago (@ 22 years old) i was successful on a diet for the very first time ever. in 5 months i lost 75 pounds and over the following 7 months i lost 25 more totaling 100.5 pounds in a year. i was so proud of my success but it was deemed a failure by the most important man in my life at the time.
i had started dating my first boyfriend ever during my weight loss journey, about 3 months after i began. he was very proud of my weight loss efforts and initially came off very supportive of me. the first 75 pounds came off quickly because i NEVER cheated (seriously 5 months no cheating) on my diet and my body was simply melting away. when i started to "cheat" once or twice a week the weight loss continued but slowed down considerably. my boyfriend put a lot of pressure on me to pick up the pace and get to my goal weight as fast as possible so that we could move on with our lives and his love for me could be all encompassing... he made it very clear to me that my weight made his love for me conditional. all of that pressure pushed me to comfort myself the only way i really knew how... i started eating "bad" food again. i binged on sweets, salty things, combinations of both, secret eating, and indulging with friends that wouldn't judge me and also liked to eat. i returned to all of the habits that got me to my highest, most miserable weight ever.
for one year i played a game of yoyo with myself: gain 5lbs one week and lose it the next. that way i was able to maintain about an 80lb weight loss. i had trainers, i ran 5k's and hiked on the weekends but the draw of food as my comfort, my friend, and my support won out. for the past three and a half/four years i have been slowly putting myself back behind a wall of fat in order to protect myself from the things that hurt me when i was "thin".
i have saved the majority of my "skinny" clothes, i don't shop for appropriately fitting clothes now because "i'm going to start a diet next week" so i don't want to spend money on clothes that will only fit me for a short time, and i have kept a gym membership for two and a half years that i rarely if ever use, because i don't want to pay the start up costs again if i close it. i'm lying to myself OR i need to follow through with what i'm telling myself. whatever it is, it's absurd. its time for me to change my lifestyle and let it be just that. if i choose to indulge one night it doesn't ruin a whole weeks worth of work. if i'm in need of emotional support i need to seek it in my friends and family and not a pint of ben and jerry's.
my plan is to use this blog as a way to hold me accountable to the process... i can't just give up because i messed up if even for a week or two. i want to document my journey back to a place where i held my head a little bit higher, wore a skirt because it was comfy not because i had to, and felt fantastic and energized pretty much everyday.
the stats: my goal weight is roughly 160lbs from where i am today. i say roughly because i haven't weighed myself in about a month, but i believe that is how far i have to go. i believe i'm around what i was the last time i began a diet and was successful - hopefully not too much more. i am still debating whether or not to put actual weights on this blog because of the sheer embarrassment of it all - but i guess my weight is just a number, people can look at me in plain sight and see that i'm in desperate need of a diet and exercise plan - so i'll fill you in when i weigh myself, i wanted to set this up before i "got started". in the next couple of days i will add a present photo of myself and maybe a few others. i will decide if i'm going to share my weight #'s and from there i will document the ups and downs of this journey.
i've struggled with my weight for as long as i can remember. about 5 and a half years ago (@ 22 years old) i was successful on a diet for the very first time ever. in 5 months i lost 75 pounds and over the following 7 months i lost 25 more totaling 100.5 pounds in a year. i was so proud of my success but it was deemed a failure by the most important man in my life at the time.
i had started dating my first boyfriend ever during my weight loss journey, about 3 months after i began. he was very proud of my weight loss efforts and initially came off very supportive of me. the first 75 pounds came off quickly because i NEVER cheated (seriously 5 months no cheating) on my diet and my body was simply melting away. when i started to "cheat" once or twice a week the weight loss continued but slowed down considerably. my boyfriend put a lot of pressure on me to pick up the pace and get to my goal weight as fast as possible so that we could move on with our lives and his love for me could be all encompassing... he made it very clear to me that my weight made his love for me conditional. all of that pressure pushed me to comfort myself the only way i really knew how... i started eating "bad" food again. i binged on sweets, salty things, combinations of both, secret eating, and indulging with friends that wouldn't judge me and also liked to eat. i returned to all of the habits that got me to my highest, most miserable weight ever.
for one year i played a game of yoyo with myself: gain 5lbs one week and lose it the next. that way i was able to maintain about an 80lb weight loss. i had trainers, i ran 5k's and hiked on the weekends but the draw of food as my comfort, my friend, and my support won out. for the past three and a half/four years i have been slowly putting myself back behind a wall of fat in order to protect myself from the things that hurt me when i was "thin".
i have saved the majority of my "skinny" clothes, i don't shop for appropriately fitting clothes now because "i'm going to start a diet next week" so i don't want to spend money on clothes that will only fit me for a short time, and i have kept a gym membership for two and a half years that i rarely if ever use, because i don't want to pay the start up costs again if i close it. i'm lying to myself OR i need to follow through with what i'm telling myself. whatever it is, it's absurd. its time for me to change my lifestyle and let it be just that. if i choose to indulge one night it doesn't ruin a whole weeks worth of work. if i'm in need of emotional support i need to seek it in my friends and family and not a pint of ben and jerry's.
my plan is to use this blog as a way to hold me accountable to the process... i can't just give up because i messed up if even for a week or two. i want to document my journey back to a place where i held my head a little bit higher, wore a skirt because it was comfy not because i had to, and felt fantastic and energized pretty much everyday.
the stats: my goal weight is roughly 160lbs from where i am today. i say roughly because i haven't weighed myself in about a month, but i believe that is how far i have to go. i believe i'm around what i was the last time i began a diet and was successful - hopefully not too much more. i am still debating whether or not to put actual weights on this blog because of the sheer embarrassment of it all - but i guess my weight is just a number, people can look at me in plain sight and see that i'm in desperate need of a diet and exercise plan - so i'll fill you in when i weigh myself, i wanted to set this up before i "got started". in the next couple of days i will add a present photo of myself and maybe a few others. i will decide if i'm going to share my weight #'s and from there i will document the ups and downs of this journey.
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